He is Faithful

I sit here in amazement at my God.
Just when I think He is nowhere to be found, He always pulls through for me.

Faithful is my God.

This week has been a rollercoaster and I didn't know how to get off.

I kept thinking,

I didn't ask for this ride, I want off. Let me go!

Thursday night I was questioning God....

Where are you? What are you doing? What is going on? What are you trying to prove?

The Lord is certainly testing me. Constantly. And I always seem to fail these tests. Why can't this be something I can study for? I'm much better at those, God. But then I realize, He doesn't want me to be comfortable, He wants me to constantly be trusting Him at all times. Not just when I want to.

Why is that so hard sometimes?

Jesus, help me rely on you and not my own thinking. Be my voice.

Probably because I feel like things would be better if I was in control. Big negative. But that's how I think sometimes. I'm pretty sure we've all thought that way. Then I also realize, things are not all about me. He has a reason for all He does. That's easy to say, and easy to seem like we understand. I still don't fully get it. And I think I like that, because it keeps me in check. It makes me search for answers. Even when I want to give up, in the back of my mind I know I can't. But even if I do, He's going to pull through and turn my eyes back to Him.

Father, thank you for being in control of my life. Please don't let me think my way is better than yours.

Tonight I was at the mall, doing some looking and buying some new car air freshners. Satisfied with my purchase, I decided to make my way to the car. As I approached the doors, a lady walked in with a questioning look on her face. She kindly stopped me, and began to ask me the question that was burning in her mind. She went on to talk to me about a girl at her and her husbands apartment complex who was giving her trouble tonight, and ended up using some choice words with her. The woman was asking me if she was in the wrong with how she reacted to this girl. I began to encourage her and she continued to talk to me about life, and her new knitting club and how she knows she's there to be an example to the women. She went on to talk about church and how people have been discouraging her with different situations.
Then, she started talking about how great our God is, how He is on our side, how He is with us even when life seems too turbulent!

This woman and I talked for 30 minutes, encouraging one another to stand strong. At the end, I introduced myself, thanked her for stopping me, and told her what a blessing she had been to me. As I walked to my car, I couldn't help but laugh at the Lord and how He is using people all around us.

The Lord brought last night to my mind and reminded me,

Christina, do you remember asking me "Where are you, God?"

I stopped in my tracks and replied,

Yes

He went on to say,

I am here, I am everywhere, I am with you, my daughter. I sent that woman to show you that I will use your surroundings. Just look. Be aware. Observe, my child. All you have to do is search and you will find.

Oh, Jesus, how can I doubt you? I am so sorry. Father, I know you're here. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for showing me you are in control. Please guide me. Please help me to stay strong in the weak times.

You are my Rock and my Refuge.

I will keep my eyes fixed on you.

Thank you for being Faithful.

Communication

I'm just going to come out and say this.

I've been thinking alot about things, as I usually do. I've been reading about the human mind, how it works, why we think the way we do, the way we communicate, how to build relationships. I love to watch people, I recently got an email from a friend who stated that I "size people up"... I don't totally agree with that. I do care about people, people I don't even know. I'll sit in the mall and watch people. Yes, I'm that person. I wonder how they are, where they came from, what their thinking about, if they're struggling, where they are in life, what they're happy about, etc. Most people try to hide the way they feel. Lots of times, it's easy for me to see that. It's easy to see in the way they interact, how they're feeling. Sometimes people don't show emotion, but that's just another sign of how they're feeling.

Be observant with others. Be intentional, if you really care. Consider others before yourself. Be real. Ask questions.

Why else was communication invented? We aren't supposed to sit in silence, look at each other, assume this or that, and go on with life. But why do we do that? We don't like the real stuff. Unfortunately, we like the artificial facts. Apparently they're more appealing to our tastebuds than genuineness. That's why americans are fat. We don't like to break it down, get down to what's good for us, what we really need, what's going on. We like the candy coated version, which is only doing us more harm in the end.

I was recently reading a book that quoted Shakespeare,

"All the worlds a stage and all the people are merely players."

To identify with people, we must consider the stage each of us is performing on.

We must be considerate, we must communicate to one another. We tend to think everyones at the same point in life as we are. Whether it's good or bad. We like to think we're all at the same level. Wrong, again. You can't put people on the same level as yourself. We all require different things. We can't relate to each other with that kind of thinking. That's why we really have to get to know each other. See where we're coming from. Let people know you care about them. Be verbal with them. Verbal? Yes, that's called communication. Don't be scared, it really is a good thing. If you really care about someone and want a real friendship/relationship, ask questions. Not just surface. Dive deeper. Go to the place where you want to take it.

Is that why most relationships are surfacey? Because we really don't want to take it further? Even though we like to think otherwise.

Hmm. Interesting.
Think about it.

Relationships shouldn't be a chore, but they do require work.

A Gift

I've been given this gift, it didn't come in shiny paper or with a big, huge bow. I found it hidden down deep, I searched. I've seen what it can do, I've heard what it can do, now I have to find out for myself how and to what extent I can use it. Sometimes I think I need to wear a sign, "Caution"..."Handle with Care"..."Fragile". I'd wear the sign not only for other people, but for myself too. I tend to get caught up in things and take on the emotions of others. I have to remind myself to take it easy. I always want to take on others burdens and fix them for myself.

Father, I can't do this without you, give me strength and guidance.

With this gift, people think, Oh, she's trying too hard, she's fake, she wants something in return. I'm not looking for a gold star. I'm not keeping track. I don't need the praise. I see potential. I see the need. I see the heart of the matter. I see what I want to do. I do what I think I should. I don't do it for myself. I don't need a pat on the back. Life doesn't give rewards, stars, or cards. I'm not one that wants the spotlight. I don't need the attention. But thank you.

I'm a daughter of my Father who longs to please Him with what He's given her. He's given me so much, that I can only try and give back to Him. I watch the people around me... they watch me, try to analyze, they assume, they have their own opinions. I see it. I feel it. I know they judge me. Or am I judging them for thinking their judging me? I don't know. But I just know how my heart feels.

I ask Him,

Father, why do they judge me? Why do they assume? Can't they see I long to please you? Can't they see how I want to do what you've told me to do?

He gently replies,

Sweet daughter, I see what you're doing. Shouldn't that be what you're thinking about? I see your heart. You will be rewarded.

Oh Jesus, yes, that's all I long for. I won't be worried about them. Have your way, Lord. I know you see the heart of what I'm doing.

Thank you for giving me this gift. This gift is the most precious to me. Unlike anything I've ever received. I promise to cherish it, to take care of it, and use it for Your glory. And Yours alone. I can't take credit, I don't want to. I can only do the best I can, to give back to you, what you've given to me.

Sweet Savior, my heart longs for people. I want them to see you through me. I pray that they would also have a heart to serve.

I am your servant. I am your daughter. I am confident in that. I am a child of God. How could I not serve you? You've given me so much. You're my Provider. Thank you. Just as I pray every day, that you'd be honored and glorified in my actions and words. Be in my midst. I know you're there. I feel you. Thank you. That's all I long to be. I won't listen to the lies. I want you above all else. More than my closest relationships. You are my ultimate love.

I can't be all they want me to be. I can't fulfill those voids and insecurities they want me to. Give them hearts to seek you. Mend their brokeness. I pray I can be of help though... there goes that gift again. It's my heart. It will be with me forever. Only you can do the healing. You are the Ultimate Healer. Not just in sickness. You've healed me. You've restored me. And that's not where it stops. You're still at work in me. I strive to continue to draw in closer.

Thank you for trusting me with this gift. For believing in me to be responsible with it. Help me to use it in the right ways and at the right times. I pray that I would be able to polish this jewel, so that it will shine bright, that others would be able to see what you've done in me, so that in return they would long to find their gifts and put them to use. I know this is not the only gift you have given me and you are still revealing all of them to me. So, I thank you. Continue to show yourself.

Walk beside me, Lord.

Guide me.

A Blessing (in the form of a book)

Approaching a year ago, I was given a book from my old boss. He gave me this book to read while I was having surgery... or well... recovering from it. I tossed the book aside and did not read it, plus my mother took it and started reading it :-) When I went home last, I found the book and decided I was going to start reading.

I'm so glad I did.

What book you ask?

The Shack by William P. Young

Many of you have probably heard of it, read of it, or have it and tossed it aside like me. Pick it up and start reading... Now!

I was sitting at Starbucks earlier this week and I had 5 people come up to me and talk to me about this book. I did not know how well-known this book was until that night. I couldn't believe it.

The man sitting next to me peered over the top of the newspaper he was reading and said,

Wow, you sure are getting alot of attention with that book, What is it?

So, I got the chance to tell him about it and encouraged him to pick up a copy. I think about it now and I should have just given him my copy! Hopefully he took my expert advice ;-)

I wondered why my old boss gave me The Shack, but I now know why. Struggling with surgery, struggling with living in pain, with why I have back problems... this book helps answer those "Why God" questions. It has stirred up more questions in my mind, touched my heart, given me a craving for the presence of my Father, and has given me a whole new way to picture Him. I've laughed, I've cried, and questioned my own relationship with the Lord.

While reading this book, I've marked many pages to go back and read when I'm done. I think I might just read the whole thing again! It is very unique and interesting.

I recommed this book, once you've read it, let me know what you think!

Visit the website at- www.TheShackBook.com

Hope all is well with you guys, it's been a while since I've blogged. You'd think with no job, I would have more time on my hands! :-)

Humbled

As I am typing this, I am comfortably sitting in my parent's home in Chattanooga. I decided I needed to take a mini-vacation and visit home. I haven't been here since June sometime. It's been a while. This was a much needed retreat.

I have not been sleeping, been anxious, and my mind has been constantly running. You would think it'd be worn out, but no. I wish it would take a vacation! :-)

I arrived here yesterday late-afternoon. It wasn't planned, it was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. I was sitting at Panera about to work on some stuff that needed to be done, when I reached the end and broke down, yes in Panera. Things just began to pile up and I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back.

I called my dad, quickly ran home, packed some things and got on the road. As I started my trip to Chattanooga, I cried out to the Lord. I was mad, I was questioning Him, I was doubting, I didn't understand.

'Why all this restlessness again, God?"
'Don't you care?'
'Do you hear me God?'
'Help me, Jesus!'

I found myself wanting to find ways to be mad at God. Every single negative thought I had, the enemy took it and used it to his advantage.

At one point I thought,

"Well, maybe I just care too much about everything, maybe I should just stop being so nice and stop trying so hard"

right then the Enemy said,

"Yes, you're right, you care too much, you're God doesn't care, no one does. Look, He hasn't healed you, He hasn't provided you with a job yet, your friends and others take advantage of you, don't you see that? No one cares, Christina"

I questioned if this was true, and the Enemy was quick to say,

"Of course it is, don't you see how you're letting everyone down because of all this? You can't do anything right!"

I began to sob even more while driving. I started to believe these lies, I turned myself off and didn't let the Lord get a word in. I wanted so badly to just believe the Enemy. Then all kinds of thoughts were flying in and out of my head, I can't even remember them all, but my mind was racing. I felt sick, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. You know that deep hurt in the pit of your stomach? It was aching. I was hurting.

I finally calmed down about 45 minutes before getting home. I made myself occupied by listening to music, I didn't want to talk or listen to the Lord. Little did I know, the Lord was working on me. He already had a plan forming...

When I arrived home, mom was cooking dinner, dad was watching TV, and my brother was not home yet. I brought my things inside, hugged my parents and sat down. I already felt peace by being home.

Mom came in the living room and told me she was having a friend and her 2 little girls stay with us. I was curious, and she went on to say, "It's a bad situation."

I immediately felt the Lord humbling me. I wanted to break down again, but I didn't let myself.

I began thinking,

"Christina, you think everything is so bad for you, look around at others. You're not so bad off."

Mom went on to say that the husband of her friend is an alcoholic and abusive.

My heart sank.

The phone rang, and it was moms friend saying they would be here soon.

When they arrived, dinner was ready, so we were all introduced and sat down for dinner together. As I sat at the dinner table, we chatted, got to know each other, and I watched the girls(the oldest is in 6th grade and the youngest is just 2 years old). As I observed, my heart became so heavy. I started to see how they were already affected and how they would be affected by all this in their future.

After dinner, they left to go to church, so I sat and talked with my mom about everything going on in my life. We had a good talk and by that time, our friends were back from church. The girls attached themselves to me, so we played, talked, took pictures, played a game and had some fun before it was time for them to go to bed. It was such a blessing to me. What broke my heart was after the youngest went to bed, me and the oldest sat and played some more and talked. When it was time for her to go to bed, she hugged me and didn't want to go to bed. She had a hard time leaving the room, and I wanted to badly to keep her with me, embrace her and love on her. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I told her goodnight and that I would see her soon.

I sat in the living room and thought for awhile before heading to bed myself.

The Lord spoke to me and told me,

'Daughter, I care for you, don't you see that? Look around you, you were able to run to your parents in your distress and they embraced you and took you in. They welcomed you. They love you. I love you, Daughter. My child, the new friends you have met tonight, aren't able to run to their home, their trying to find safety. Show them My love. Love on them, pray for them. Daughter, don't forget that I am your ultimate parent, run to me, and I will hold you. My love is unconditional. I will always be here for you.'

The perfect reminder.

I was able to find refuge in my parents and I am so thankful for that. No matter the circumstances they will always welcome me and love me.

I was doing my quiet time this morning and was reminded that the Lord is constant. He does not change. He will never change. He loves us no matter what happens. He will always be there. He is my rock and me refuge. He is my strength and my source of peace. I must seek Him. and I pray that mom's friend will run to Him in this time. He will take care of them and I must trust in my God for their protection.

'Guide them Father. Place a hedge of protection around them, keep them safe. Provide Lord. Give them strength and courage to make the right decisions. Direct them. Let them feel your overwhelming love, Lord Jesus. I entrust them to you.'

Amen.

Thank you for humbling me, Father.
I know I am not as bad off as I seem at times.
Thank you for reminding me that I must trust you and run to you.
I know you will get me through this time.
Thank you for a good nights rest last night.

Anticipating the Voice of God: Week One

Hope you're ready to dig, dive, induldge, throw yourself into Discerning the Voice of God with me. We are on week 4, but I am going to start from the beginning and share with you the lessons, my notes(which is almost all that she said, ha), and my thoughts.

I'm so excited to share this with you, but I will not be nearly as good as Priscilla Shirer is. This has been a Bible study where I want to write down EVERYTHING she says! All the little nuggets she gives are right on and amazing. I encourage you to buy the book, or even get the videos! If you do, you'll understand what I mean. But for now on, you have me and mostly my illustrations, some hers. But I can't take credit.

Let's go from a personal realtionship with our Savior to an intimate relationship.

Turn off all the voices that are surrounding you, whether it's peers, yourself, TV, etc... and let's focus on listening to the voice of our Sweet Savior.

In Matthew 17:1-13 the Lord took Peter, James, and John with him upon a mountain top where he transfigured before their eyes.

Can you imagine that?

Verse 2 tells us that His face shone like the sun, and his clothes just as white as light. On down, Peter begins talking to the Lord, and as he's talking, the Lord says, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!"

Our God speaks, we just have to tune our minds to actually listening to Him. He can and will speak to you. We must believe, do you believe that He will do what He has promised us? How personal is your relationship if you don't talk or can't hear Him? It's like any other relationship. It takes time. It takes communication and trust.

Think of your closest friends, you talk to them all the time, don't you? You call to see how they are, what they've been up to, how things are going, you want them to keep in contact. That's how God is. He calls on us, He wants us to answer. He wants to know how we are, what we've been up to, how things are going. He wants us to be honest with him. He longs for a deep, intimate relationship with us. It takes communication. If you lose communication, you lose contact.

Don't lose contact with Him.

Anticipate that He will speak. Expect that He will speak.

'My sheep hear My voice, I know them, and they follow Me.' -John 10:27

1) Jesus was clear to point out a relationship, naming us His sheep.

"My sheep"

We're apart of His flock. He is our shepherd. Just like a shepherd herding his sheep. They have a certain call for their sheep, a call for each individual one. They could call a certain way and that one sheep knows that their shepherd is calling it and wants it to come. Just like our Lord. He calls us each at different times and in different ways. We must listen to Him for instructions. God is our navigation system.

Anyone ever used navigation system? I have and I got lost. Why? Because I did not listen. I did not know how to use it. We must unclog our ears and be willing to listen for direction in life.

He tell us,

"Take a right, my child, keep going, you're doing good, quick left, you'll want to avoid the traffic (being confusion or nonsense) up ahead... when you reach the fork in the road, call on Me, and I'll lead you."

He will direct us and make our paths straight. Trust in Him.

Who do you belong to? Is He your Shepherd?

2) Jesus points out not only a relationship but a result of being His sheep.

"... hear My voice."

'The one who is from God hears God's words.' - John 8:47

Don't doubt what He can do. Don't doubt who He is.

We must expect that He'll speak to us, as I mentioned before.

We must want what He has personally for each of us. We are all different, and we each require different things.

He will prove to you that He has your best at heart and it will blow your mind. He speaks in diferent ways to all of us. We have to learn to know when He is speaking to us.

Take a radio for instance, you have to be where you want/can listen, you have to tune into the station you want to listen to, sometimes it's hard to hear through the static, so you have to search and find that special spot where the voice is so clear, so you can sit and listen. You soak in everything the persons saying.

That's how God is. We must want to listen. We have to be so in tune with Him so we can hear His voice in a clear and intimate way. When we do that, we can sit and soak up everything He's telling us.

3) Jesus points out a relationship, a result, and also a reason for being His sheep.

"I know my sheep."

Intimacy is the foundation for getting to know God.

He knows us, each and everyone of us. He knows us better than we know ourselves.
Isn't that crazy to think that out of ALL the people in this world, He knows each of us in such a different and loving way then He does the person sitting next to you... and He loves us all the same? I love thinking about that. Do I have that much love for Him? Do I want to know Him as much as He already knows me?

4) Jesus points out a relationship, a result, a reason, and also a reponse from His sheep.

"They follow me."

Don't doubt Him.

Trust Him.

Follow Him.

Know Him.

'I am the good shepherd. the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.' -John 10:11

'Now may the God of pease... the great Shepherd of the sheep - with the blood of the everlasting covenant, equip you with all that is good to do His will.' -Hebrews 13:20-21

Clear communication with God begins when I approach God and His Word with anticipation expecting Him to speak.

HE SPEAKS
'I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart; and I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me' -Habakkuk 2:1

HE ANSWERS
'Call to Me, and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.' -Jeremiah 33:3

HE HEARS US

'My God will certainly hear me.' -Micah 7:7

Be assured. A lot of times we doubt that He hears or that He will answer us. These verses are such a great reminder that He will speak, He will hear, and He will answer us.

Strengths Finder 2.0

I took my Strengths Finder test yesterday and thought I would share my results with you.

If you're wondering what a Strengths Finder test is... here goes...

"Rooted in more than 40 years of research, this assessment had helped millions discover their natural talents."

It was funny because all my friends have taken the test so they were trying to guess my strengths. The winner award goes to... drum roll please... Coo! She guessed at least 3 of my top 5. Way to go! :-)

Alright, here are my Top 5 Strengths:

1) Developer

2) Belief

3) Includer

4) Empathy

5) Positivity

Here is a description of each strength:

1) Developer - You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, neach individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth - a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of "flow" where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments - invisible to some - are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.

2) Belief - If you possess a strong Belief theme, you have certain core values that are enduring. These values vary from one person to another, but ordinarily your Belief theme causes you to be family-oriented, altruistic, even spiritual, and to value responsibility and high ethics - both in yourself and others. These core values affect your behavior in many ways. they give your life meaning and satisfaction; in your view, success is more than money and prestige. They provide you with direction, guiding you through the temptations and distractions of life toward a consistent set of priorities. This consistency is the foundation for all your relationships. Your friends call you dependable. "I know where you stand," they say. Your Belief makes you easy to trust. It also demands that you find work that meshes with your values. Your work must be meaningful; it must matter to you. And guided by your Belief theme it will matter only if it gives you a chance to live out your values.

3) Includer - "Stretch the circle wider." This is the philosophy around which your orient your life. You want to include people and make them feel part of the group. In direct contrast to those who are drawm only to exclusive groups, you actively avoid those groups that exclude others. You want to expand the group so that as many people as possible can benefit from its support. You hate the sight of someone on the outside looking in. You want to draw them in so that they can feel the warmth of the group. You are an instinctively accepting person. Regardless of race or sex or nationality or personality or faith, you cast few judgements. Judgements can hurt a person's feelings. Why do that if you don't have to? Your accepting nature does not necessarily rest on a belief that each of us is different and that one should respect these differences. Rather, it rests on your conviction that fundamentally we are all the same. We are all equally important. Thus, no one should be ignored. Rach of us should be included. It is the least wer all deserve.

4) Empathy - You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feelings as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament - this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings - to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

5) Positivity - You are generous with praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. Some call you light-hearted. Others just wish their glass were as full as yours seems to be. But either way, people want to be around you. Their world looks better around you because your enthusiasm is contagious. Lacking your energy and optimism, some find their world drab with repitition or, worse, heavy with pressure. You seem to find a way to lighten their spirit. You inject drama into every project. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and vital. Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won't allow it. Somehow you can't quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one's senseonf humor.

Think these are a good fit for me?

Interested to find out what your strenghts are?

Check out Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath at your local bookstore!