A Blessing (in the form of a book)

Approaching a year ago, I was given a book from my old boss. He gave me this book to read while I was having surgery... or well... recovering from it. I tossed the book aside and did not read it, plus my mother took it and started reading it :-) When I went home last, I found the book and decided I was going to start reading.

I'm so glad I did.

What book you ask?

The Shack by William P. Young

Many of you have probably heard of it, read of it, or have it and tossed it aside like me. Pick it up and start reading... Now!

I was sitting at Starbucks earlier this week and I had 5 people come up to me and talk to me about this book. I did not know how well-known this book was until that night. I couldn't believe it.

The man sitting next to me peered over the top of the newspaper he was reading and said,

Wow, you sure are getting alot of attention with that book, What is it?

So, I got the chance to tell him about it and encouraged him to pick up a copy. I think about it now and I should have just given him my copy! Hopefully he took my expert advice ;-)

I wondered why my old boss gave me The Shack, but I now know why. Struggling with surgery, struggling with living in pain, with why I have back problems... this book helps answer those "Why God" questions. It has stirred up more questions in my mind, touched my heart, given me a craving for the presence of my Father, and has given me a whole new way to picture Him. I've laughed, I've cried, and questioned my own relationship with the Lord.

While reading this book, I've marked many pages to go back and read when I'm done. I think I might just read the whole thing again! It is very unique and interesting.

I recommed this book, once you've read it, let me know what you think!

Visit the website at- www.TheShackBook.com

Hope all is well with you guys, it's been a while since I've blogged. You'd think with no job, I would have more time on my hands! :-)

Humbled

As I am typing this, I am comfortably sitting in my parent's home in Chattanooga. I decided I needed to take a mini-vacation and visit home. I haven't been here since June sometime. It's been a while. This was a much needed retreat.

I have not been sleeping, been anxious, and my mind has been constantly running. You would think it'd be worn out, but no. I wish it would take a vacation! :-)

I arrived here yesterday late-afternoon. It wasn't planned, it was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. I was sitting at Panera about to work on some stuff that needed to be done, when I reached the end and broke down, yes in Panera. Things just began to pile up and I guess that was the straw that broke the camels back.

I called my dad, quickly ran home, packed some things and got on the road. As I started my trip to Chattanooga, I cried out to the Lord. I was mad, I was questioning Him, I was doubting, I didn't understand.

'Why all this restlessness again, God?"
'Don't you care?'
'Do you hear me God?'
'Help me, Jesus!'

I found myself wanting to find ways to be mad at God. Every single negative thought I had, the enemy took it and used it to his advantage.

At one point I thought,

"Well, maybe I just care too much about everything, maybe I should just stop being so nice and stop trying so hard"

right then the Enemy said,

"Yes, you're right, you care too much, you're God doesn't care, no one does. Look, He hasn't healed you, He hasn't provided you with a job yet, your friends and others take advantage of you, don't you see that? No one cares, Christina"

I questioned if this was true, and the Enemy was quick to say,

"Of course it is, don't you see how you're letting everyone down because of all this? You can't do anything right!"

I began to sob even more while driving. I started to believe these lies, I turned myself off and didn't let the Lord get a word in. I wanted so badly to just believe the Enemy. Then all kinds of thoughts were flying in and out of my head, I can't even remember them all, but my mind was racing. I felt sick, I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. You know that deep hurt in the pit of your stomach? It was aching. I was hurting.

I finally calmed down about 45 minutes before getting home. I made myself occupied by listening to music, I didn't want to talk or listen to the Lord. Little did I know, the Lord was working on me. He already had a plan forming...

When I arrived home, mom was cooking dinner, dad was watching TV, and my brother was not home yet. I brought my things inside, hugged my parents and sat down. I already felt peace by being home.

Mom came in the living room and told me she was having a friend and her 2 little girls stay with us. I was curious, and she went on to say, "It's a bad situation."

I immediately felt the Lord humbling me. I wanted to break down again, but I didn't let myself.

I began thinking,

"Christina, you think everything is so bad for you, look around at others. You're not so bad off."

Mom went on to say that the husband of her friend is an alcoholic and abusive.

My heart sank.

The phone rang, and it was moms friend saying they would be here soon.

When they arrived, dinner was ready, so we were all introduced and sat down for dinner together. As I sat at the dinner table, we chatted, got to know each other, and I watched the girls(the oldest is in 6th grade and the youngest is just 2 years old). As I observed, my heart became so heavy. I started to see how they were already affected and how they would be affected by all this in their future.

After dinner, they left to go to church, so I sat and talked with my mom about everything going on in my life. We had a good talk and by that time, our friends were back from church. The girls attached themselves to me, so we played, talked, took pictures, played a game and had some fun before it was time for them to go to bed. It was such a blessing to me. What broke my heart was after the youngest went to bed, me and the oldest sat and played some more and talked. When it was time for her to go to bed, she hugged me and didn't want to go to bed. She had a hard time leaving the room, and I wanted to badly to keep her with me, embrace her and love on her. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I told her goodnight and that I would see her soon.

I sat in the living room and thought for awhile before heading to bed myself.

The Lord spoke to me and told me,

'Daughter, I care for you, don't you see that? Look around you, you were able to run to your parents in your distress and they embraced you and took you in. They welcomed you. They love you. I love you, Daughter. My child, the new friends you have met tonight, aren't able to run to their home, their trying to find safety. Show them My love. Love on them, pray for them. Daughter, don't forget that I am your ultimate parent, run to me, and I will hold you. My love is unconditional. I will always be here for you.'

The perfect reminder.

I was able to find refuge in my parents and I am so thankful for that. No matter the circumstances they will always welcome me and love me.

I was doing my quiet time this morning and was reminded that the Lord is constant. He does not change. He will never change. He loves us no matter what happens. He will always be there. He is my rock and me refuge. He is my strength and my source of peace. I must seek Him. and I pray that mom's friend will run to Him in this time. He will take care of them and I must trust in my God for their protection.

'Guide them Father. Place a hedge of protection around them, keep them safe. Provide Lord. Give them strength and courage to make the right decisions. Direct them. Let them feel your overwhelming love, Lord Jesus. I entrust them to you.'

Amen.

Thank you for humbling me, Father.
I know I am not as bad off as I seem at times.
Thank you for reminding me that I must trust you and run to you.
I know you will get me through this time.
Thank you for a good nights rest last night.