My Father, My Daddy

I wrote this after I was recovering from surgery in January, I wanted to take a moment to share... Enjoy...

He is a Father who never lets go, a Father who loves unconditionally, a Father who has a purpose and plan for my life. Although He is not like my daddy here on earth, He cares for me the same.

My daddy has always been there for me
From skinning my knee, to my first heartache
My first day of school, to graduating highschool
Losing friendships, to finding long, lasting ones
Going to college, to moving away from home

My daddy has always loved me the same
From the day I was born, to the day he gives me away
Though that does not mean it will break our Father/Daughter relationship
There's something special, a bond
An unknown thing between us, something that only we know
He knows my sorrow and my happiness
We're eternally linked together

My daddy has always had a plan for me
From thinking I knew, to him helping me through
This plan is still in progress
I'm still finding the pieces to the puzzle
It's definitely a jigsaw
Hard to figure out, but takes time to work at
In the end, it's a beautiful picture
A masterpiece

My Father in Heaven is waiting my homecoming
The day He calls me home is soon coming
On this day I will be able to see Him face to face
Run to Him and call Him my Dad
Feel His arms around me, curl up in His lap, and embrace Him
Just as I have done with my Daddy

He'll be forever mine
You are forever mine

Praise You in This Storm

I was sure by now

That You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining



As the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away



Chorus:



I'll praise You in this storm

And i will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm



I remember whenI stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You



I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth

It was today, at lunch that I started thinking and pondering my life. Life has been really good lately, my prayer time/devotion time has been great, I’ve been feeling pretty good, and I’ve been so happy. It’s always times like now, that something in me doesn’t like. For what reason, I don’t know. Well, I say it’s me, but really it’s the enemy. He hates when we’re satisfied in our Lord.

As I sat in my car during lunch, listening to my praise and worship music, I became restless. I started flipping channels, put a CD in, took the CD out, changed channels, put a CD in, took the CD out… and so on…

I could hear the pitter patter of raindrops hitting my car, and my tears started flowing. I felt a black cloud hovering over my head, my heart started racing, my mind was wondering, and negative thoughts started to enter my mind. I started wondering why God chose me to live in chronic pain, I started feeling like people were expecting things from me that I couldn’t live up to, and I felt very vulnerable.

God, why is this happening now? Things have been going so smoothly, I’ve been so happy…

Every time I feel like I’m satisfied and actually thankful for the pain I’ve lived in, the enemy starts a fire up in me, He starts playing games with me.

Help me not to engage in these games, Father, let me be bigger than that. Give me strength.

As the rain pounded harder, the harder my tears fell, and the faster my heart raced…

I started changing channels again, and I stopped on our local Christian music station, which I usually have on. The song, Praise You in This Storm had just started, I was flustered and I tried not to listen, but I something in me didn’t let me change the station again.

‘Every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm’

Hearing these words sung began to remind me that My Savior holds me close. He cares about me, He knows how I feel (even when I don’t know why I’m feeling the way I am). I was confused today, because I was so happy about the way things were going, and in an instant my emotions were running wild and I was fighting a, what seemed like, losing battle with the enemy.

I won’t let him win…

But…

Father, my heart is tearing…

I wanted to go with my emotions and be mad, but I knew that would only bring satisfaction to the enemy.


I won’t do it; I won’t let him be glorified in my actions.

As the song played on…

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth

I knew I had to turn to the Lord to calm my fears, to wipe away my tears, and to turn my sadness into happiness. I struggled, but I knew I didn’t want to dwell in my own self… even though it’s easier to have a pity party, but that usually makes me feel worse in the end.

I won’t be selfish, Jesus…

I will take what you have given me and I will grow from the cards I have been dealt. I will try my best to be an example, that You, and only You, will be glorified in my life.

He began to mend my heart by filling my emptiness with Himself, with His love and tenderness.

Just as it was storming outside, it was storming on the inside of my heart…

But...I will praise you in this storm…






Sing to the Lord O my soul, let the Heavens shout for joy, Great is our God!

Let Me Introduce Myself...

Hi, I’m Christina, so nice to meet you! Thank you for finding your way to my blog. I believe and pray that the Lord has brought you here so that we may be able to encourage one another, pray for each other and grow from life’s many different experiences.

I have had my fair share of ups and downs in my life. I’ll go into more detail as my blogging grows and the Lord puts them on my heart to share. I believe that the Lord has a plan for my life and for your life.

Jeremiah 29:11 ‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord…’

We may not know why things happen the way they do, but in the end, there is a reason and a lesson to be learned. The Lord uses these instances to help us draw closer and closer to Him.
I moved into a new season of my life in May of 2007 when the Lord told me to pack my things and move to Nashville… not to become a country music star, but to start a new life focused on Him. I had been praying for new opportunities and asking the Lord to show me what to do with my life and when the doors opened, I obeyed what He told me. I was talking with a friend last night and at one point she said, “When you are praying for something and the Lord decides the time is right, He moves quickly.” This is so true, I had been praying that April and in May the doors opened and the timing was perfect. The Lord showed me what I had to do…

That was the best thing I could have done with my life at that point.

Since moving, I have found a church that I am so happy to be able to call my ‘home’ and friends who I am happy to call my ‘family’. I thank the Lord for each of these and feel so grateful for what He has unveiled in my life thus far.
Not my entire Nashville journey has been happy, but I am learning to seek out the positive in each experience, good or bad. Make them something to learn from so I can grow and put it to use in my life… and hopefully encourage others.

I grew up in a loving Christian home and attended a private school all through grade school. That was a blessing in itself, to have grown up with a solid foundation to learn and grow from. The Lord really knew what He was doing with my life. I know now that He used that to help prepare me for my future and the things to come and the experiences He knew that I would deal with. But I also know that He won’t give me anything I can not handle. Sometimes it feels like it, trust me, I know that. I’ve been there. I’ve wanted to throw my hands up in the air and give up many times (and I have), but He’s always been by my side, reminding me to rely on Him. That He will help me through. My faith and my trust have been tested on many levels.

Back in early high school I was diagnosed (or whatever you want to call it) with Degenerative Disc Disease, a ruptured disc, and some other things. I never really understood what it was, I just knew that my back was always sore and felt stiff. I didn’t think much of it then. My grandma and my dad also have this disease, so I have learned a lot and seen a lot of pain and suffering from them. I remember when my dad started getting worse and starting talking about surgery. A time that replays in my mind is seeing him use my grandma’s walker to get around the house. We had to move a mattress downstairs because he couldn’t climb the stairs anymore. I came home from class one day and saw him lying on the floor, he asked me to please go buy the bendable straws because he couldn’t lift his head without excruciating pain anymore. I hurried down to the store to get some straws. It was so hard seeing him in pain, but through the pain he was an example to me. He was on the floor for 20+ days and finally had surgery in Germany. He had 3 artificial discs placed in his back… Degenerative Disc is when your discs, which are between each of your vertebrae in your spine, start deteriorating and eventually disintegrate. Leaving you with bone on bone, which is obviously very painful. My dad had great success with his surgery which was a huge answer to prayer.

I’m not one that likes to focus on myself, so this is hard to talk about. Not just because it’s about me but because I always feel like I’m complaining… but here goes…

As time has gone on, my back has gotten progressively worse. I have tried to ignore the pain, brush it off, and go on with life. I’ve been to the chiropractor, I’ve had numerous epidural steroid injections, done physical therapy over the years and nothing helped ease the pain. I got to the point last December where I was tired of hurting and had to do something. I needed some kind of relief.
After much discussion and prayer, I decided to go ahead and have surgery. January ’08 I had a Bilateral Microdiscectomy. My doctor went in to “clean off” the ruptured disc. What’s a ruptured disc, you ask? Your discs are filled with a jelly-like substance and if/when your disc ruptures that substance protrudes out. In my case, it was protruding and hitting a nerve. So, they performed surgery to try and ease my pain and fix the ruptured disc. I got some relief, but a few months later I started getting worse, went back to the ago, and found out the disc had re-ruptured.

O why, God? Why can’t I be healed? Aren’t you the Great Physician? You don’t want me to suffer, do you? Don’t you care? Hear my cry, Lord!

I knew something was wrong because my symptoms were getting worse. My sciatic nerve was aggravated, my legs were hurting, I couldn’t stand for more then five minutes without sharp, shooting pains down my legs, and my left foot would go numb. So, we made a trip back to the doctor a couple months ago and he offered to do surgery again. Either the same surgery, a fusion, which he is really pushing, or ADR (artificial disc replacement – which is what my dad had done). I left the office masking my emotions and wanting to really think about these options.
I still have not made a decision; I am still praying and seeking the Lord for guidance. I don’t want to make a rash decision and do something I’m going to regret. So, for now I am waiting it out and coping with the pain as best I can.

Living with chronic pain is difficult, I won’t lie. I’m sure most of you had heard stories or know someone who has lived with this. I could sit and go on an on about the emotions and what I’m learning through the whole process, but that would take all of your time. That is the reason for this blog. So I can share my thoughts and emotions as time goes on and the Lord puts them on my heart to write about.

Until then, joining me in prayer and believing with me for healing would be much appreciated.

Psalms 103:2, 3

‘Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities; who heals all your diseases.

Thank you for another day: I am blessed

I wanted to share a short story with you…

This morning while I was at work, one of our advisors was ending her client meeting. As I sat there processing paperwork, I overheard a short conversation that touched my heart. The advisor continued to end her meeting by telling her clients to, “Have a blessed day” I didn’t think anything of it, because she always says that, but it was the client’s response that made my day… He responded, “We’re already blessed, we were able to get up this morning.”

Man, that’s so good, I said to myself.

I pondered this conversation the rest of the day.

How many of us really take the time to realize how blessed we are?
How blessed we are to wake up in the morning, how blessed we are for our jobs, how blessed we are for our surroundings, our families…
To have a God who is always by our side, who will never leave us, nor forsake us?
How blessed we are to have a God who loves us so dearly, He was willing to die for us?

I can honestly say I don’t think of this nearly as much as I should. And not only think about it, but to take time to Thank God for allowing me to wake up and enjoy another day. Another chance to be an example, to make a difference.
Isn’t that why He put us on this earth? To do the Lord’s work, to tell the world about our Lord Jesus Christ?

We are only here on this earth for a short time. Our life is but a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. At any time the Lord can call us home. Am I prepared for that? Are we? We should live our lives in such away that we won’t feel guilty about what we did or didn’t do in the end.

A life that honors and glorifies our Father in Heaven.

O Father, help me to be a light in the darkness…

He chose me and put me on this earth for a reason…Why me, Lord?

Because He has a special plan for my life. A plan that’s beginning to unravel in a powerful way. He’s building me up, and forming me into what He wants me to be.

Father, you are the potter, I am the clay…

Mold me so that I may be more and more like you. That I may love like you, teach like you, give grace and mercy like you do, lend a helping hand when it’s needed, that I may be a daughter that obeys you and longs to honor you with her words and actions, that I may grow in my walk and continue to do work that please you and brings honor and glory to your name.

It’s only because of you, my Sweet Savior,

that I have what I have, that I am able to do what I do. Nothing I have is mine; I was reminded of this last night while talking with a dear friend. It’s because of what you did on the cross that I have this life. You have blessed me with a life that I do not deserve, a life that is surrounded by loved ones who love me and support me, a life that you can choose to take away at any moment in time…

O Jesus, I do not deserve this…

But I am so thankful and grateful that He chose me and that He believes in me. I can only pray and hope that I bring Him glory. That I represent my Lord Jesus in a strong and mighty way, a way that will be eye opening to others. That I will be an example and show others the love and mercy He has shown me.

I can only try and give back what He has given me.



Well, at the least the story was short.... :-)


"Have a blessed day, my friends"

Over the Hill...?

Almost. Okay, so maybe I’ve got a ways to go.

This actually has nothing to do with my age, or your age.

I was reading through a list of Bible verses today and came across:

Mark 11:22-23.

‘Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, “Be taken up and cast in the sea,” and doubt not in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it shall be granted him.’

Wow.

This summer has been a season of testing. Testing my faith. Testing my trust. And testing my dependency on God.

Why God? I’ve asked many times… You know I put my trust in you, right?

He replied…

Yes my child, but you haven’t put all your trust in me,
You’re still doubting
Let it go, my sweet daughter
Trust me; I will take care of you
Have faith that is unwavering, faith that moves mountains…

Yes Father, I’m giving it all to you, have your way, Lord…

Why would I doubt God? Why do we doubt God? Haven’t we been told to Trust in the Lord and lean on Him? I know I was taught that as a child, just as I was taught how to tie my shoes. I was given the instructions and… practice made perfect... I did it! I tied my shoes!

So, why do I struggle with trusting and following my God? I’ve been given the guidelines, the instructions, I press into the Word, I pray, I lean on Him…. Isn’t that enough, God?

No. It’s not. Not when we make it a chore. Like a puppy that knows if he goes potty outside, he’ll get a treat. If we think that way then we don’t really mean what we’re doing. We’re only doing whatever it is to check off another task on our ‘To Do’ list.
That’s when things become bitter and we get frustrated with God.

Why? Because you’re not really pressing into Him.

You’re not building a solid relationship with Him… not depending on Him to take full control.

So many times I think I can do things on my own. No help, no advice. I remember once when I debated with God and finally told him I didn’t need his help. Boy, oh boy, that got me nowhere.

Humble yourself, my child... the Lord said to me.

Which brought me to my knees, and gave me a whole new outlook on the way things should be.

Why is it so hard to put all our dependency in our Sweet Savior?

Because the enemy finds his way into our situations, he loves when we’re down and out. He rejoices in our suffering and hates when we’re happy. He’ll try everything he can to distort our thinking and ruin our relationships. He is the father of lies. When he knows I am doubting, he takes that and runs with it, he tries his hardest to play with my mind. We shouldn’t let him win.

Seek the Lord in these times, only He can turn your thoughts into goodness. Let Him control your thinking. Cling to the Lord, rest in His presence and let His peace take over your mind.

So, where does Over the Hill fit into this? Good question…

Every time I think of the Over the Hill phrase, I picture a person climbing the side of a mountain. Inch by inch, over the rocks, sometimes boulders, but by pressing forward and moving through the rocky patches, they finally reach the top.

Now, with the whole age thing, people say once you reach the top, it’s all down hill from there.

Not true. Not in my illustration.

In this season of my life, through all the rocky patches, all the testing, I know I’m getting closer and closer to the top of my hill. Scratch that, it’s been a mountain. A steep, rocky, incline. Even though I felt more like I was repelling, God’s been on the other end of the rope, pulling me closer and closer to Him.
That’s only because I allowed Him to take full control, put my faith in Him, am believing this mountain will be moved, and I will overcome whatever situations come my way.

By this, my faith has been made stronger.

…Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart…

Psalms 37:3-5

*I know I dove into this, I will introduce myself in a later blog. This has been on my heart and mind and I wanted to share.*