Respect

As sad as this is, people judge people for thinking and believing they way they do. We are we to judge? Judgement is not a new word to my vocabulary. I know I've used it alot lately. Unfortunately, I'm just realizing a lot. Years ago I was told that I'll never get what I dream for in a spouse because all my thinking is "fairytale". I believed it. Then I realized... Respect, honor, loyalty, honesty, etc. are not wrong to believe for. We should want that. My God is not a fairytale character, how dare someone doubt the power of the God who gave us life? I do take offense to that. I've learned a lot from that.

We learn alot from the situations we've been dealt. I thank God for that. I am much stronger than I ever thought I would be. Sure, there are things I have regretted, but I've grown, and with God's grace and mercy I have been forgiven. I'm not perfect, and never will I be, but I do strive to honor and please Him with my thoughts and actions.

Jesus, thank you for restoring my vision on these things.

1 Peter 2:17

'Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.'

Just as it is stated, show respect to everyone. This honors our Father in Heaven. It's not too much to ask for. I've been jotting down thoughts lately about respect and the way we treat each other. There's always room for improvement. No one is perfect in this. I know I'm not, but I would like to say that I try my best.

I look at my guy friends as a future spouse to someone. I don't want to take away something from them by flirting, or whatever else you want to call it. They deserve the same respect I do. We have to be careful about the way we interact with each other. I have not always thought this way, it's been a learning experience, and I am so thankful to the Lord for opening my eyes and my mind to this. I want myself and friends to be holy and honorable to the one they will marry. I know they have to want this themselves, but by not entertaining it, it helps.

We should make it our ambition to lead a holy life. A life that is pleasing to God. For God did not call us to be impure before Him. He has warned us about that. If you read in 2 Thessalonians 4:1-8 we are instructed to control ourselves before each other.
I'm not saying steer clear of everyone, don't come close to me. I'm just saying, we have to be careful. Be wise. Make smart choices.

I don't want my actions to take away anything that does not belong to me. Our relationships should be honoring to our Father. The longing of my heart is to please Him. This means my heart has to be pure and I have to cling to His word for strength and the courage to stand up. I want to be strong in my beliefs and understandings.

I was praying not long ago and telling the Lord that I want to be in a place where I am strong and on the right track with Him before He sends someone my way. If my relationship with God is not where it should be, then I know that I would not be able to handle a marriage. I want to be ready and in the right position with Him when that time comes. If I can't handle a relatoinship with the Lord then how could I handle a marraige? I don't think I could. -this isn't the only area I have to be on track in, but it sure is one of them-

Give us strength, Lord.

He freely gave His love to us. He's given us everything we have. It should be an easy relationship to maintain. We make it hard because we always want something more. It should be simple. Why can't we just be satisfied in Him? We are selfish. The world entices us. The world wants to control our thinking. Don't give in. Hold tight to what you believe. Be happy with what you have.

Jesus, help us be content with you. You are all we need.

We have to keep bettering our relationship with Him. Let Him be our center. Find yourself in Him. He gave you life. He is jealous for you. He wants you. Don't give up on Him. He will never give up on you. He longs for us, He wants us to understand. There's so much more to life.

Humble yourself before Him.

Forgive us, Father. We need you.

Believe

Morgan: I can't do this!

Christina: Don't say you can't, you can, don't give up.

Morgan: But it's too hard.

Christina: Keep trying, you will be proud of yourself once you complete it.

Morgan: I guess.

Andrew: Believe that you can and you will do it, Morgan. You have to believe.

I think we all know where I'm going and could go with this blog. Really, I could just leave it as it is and not write anything else. But what fun would that be? Let me elaborate a little on this subject before I have to go and interrupt a disagreement or console a crying child.

Perseverance. Endurance. Pushing through the hard stuff.

Humility. Laying it all down and saying, "I can't do this without you, Lord."

Hearing Andrew tell his big sister you have to believe, Morgan, was so great to hear. I always tell them don't give up. Believe that you can do it. I envisioned Andrew meaning, believe that the Lord will help you. You can't give up when things get hard. That's the test. I had the privillege of being at an amazing conference last Saturday and the last speaker said,

"If you give up when things get hard, you're just going to have to start from the beginning again."

Sooo true.

If I had let Morgan give up what she was doing today and not strive to succeed she would've probably gone on to believe that giving up is okay. So, I told her I would help her, but I wanted her to do most of it. We worked together and all we had to do was tweak one or two things.

That's what usually happens and it's good to have people in our lives who help stand beside us and believe with us.

The speaker at the conference gave us a great example of this. He used the illustration of learning to swim in the deep end when he was younger. He had to show the lifeguard that he was ready. He started swimming and his friend was right beside him.

He got halfway and started thinking,

"I don't think I can do this, I'm getting tired".

He started to slow down.

His friend started cheering for him saying,

"You can do it! I know you can! Don't get up, you're almost there!"

I know I need this in life. I need people to tell me to keep pushing on, to lay it all down before the Lord and know that I can't do it all by myself. I was re-reading my last blog and I was started lecturing myself cause, like a friend said, I'm not a super hero, so I should stop trying to be. I can't fix peoples problems and situations as much as I would like to.

But I can be a friend and someone who is by their side cheering them through the ups and downs.

Thank you, Jesus.

How Big is God?

I just want to say that I love my job. I find it one of the most rewarding things I have done in awhile. I have never had a job where I couldn't wait to get there in the morning and I missed while I was gone over the weekend, until now. I have been blessed with a great family and 2 kids who I just love... I keep thinking, Lord, why am I learning all of this right now? I have learned so much through the kids, Morgan and Andrew. They teach me just as much as I am teaching them.

Today was the start of a new week and a new summer day camp. This certain camp has been the most looked forward to of all the camps they have done, and let me tell you, they have done a LOT. This camp is a 45 minute drive for us so we have time in the car to talk, think, and laugh together. And add a few, "Please don't hit your sister" ... or "Please leave him alone" ... but it all works out in the end.

This morning we were driving along listening to praise and worship music and Andrew, who is 7, said,

"Christina, I can't wait to get to Heaven, can you?"

I responded,

"It's definitely something I look forward to, Andrew. Why can't you wait?"

He began,

"Cause we'll get to see what Jesus looks like and I just can't wait!"

So I asked,

"What do you guys think Jesus looks like?"

They responded quickly,

"He's tall, strong, brown hair, and a beard."

Just as I always imagined Him at that age (7 and 10). I still wonder and change my opinion from time to time. I'm just thankful He will never change as much as we may change our opinions of Him. He stays the same.

As I was paying attention to driving and trying not to get lost in the country, trying to find this beloved camp, I listened to Morgan and Andrew talk about how big God is. My ears perked up.

"Morgan, God is bigger then we are."

"Really, Andrew, God is so much bigger than that."

"I know, Morgan, He's bigger than how far China is to Australia."

A smile crept across my face as I listened even closer...

"Andrew, God is much bigger, He is bigger than the world. He is bigger than the whole universe."

Silence.

They quickly changed the subject to finding camp.
"Are we there yet??" "Are we lost?" "Do you know where we are going?"

I was still lost in the previous conversation. I found myself talking to the Lord and asking for forgiveness. I forget how big He is. How powerful He is. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. But sometimes I think that my way is always better, but when I stop and think about it, God is so much bigger than our problems. He has more power then we could ever imagine. I used to sit and think about Heaven and spending eternity with the Lord. I used to get mad cause my mind would keep going and going, and I couldn't find an end to it. I always thought, it has to end at some point. But it doesn't and neither does His love, His forgiveness, or His power, mercy or grace. These aren't the only things He is capable of, but to me... well...

He is more than words.


We finally arrived at camp. After having to turn around because we missed the hidden sign. Which was behind a bush!

I signed them into camp and found their counselors. I bent down, gave them each a hug.

"I hope you guys have so much fun today! I want to hear all about it, K?"

"We will! OK! See you later, Christina!" Morgan said.

"Okay, I'll have fun, Christina, but I'll miss you" said Andrew.

"I'll miss you too, Buddy!" I replied, as I turned and started walking towards the car.

"No, I'll miss you more" Andrew insisted.

I turned around and smiled at him and waved "bye".


I always find God in those sweet, small moments with the kids. And I thank God for that. I know that it's Him instilling strength, widsom, and confidence in who I know my God to be. Being able to share that with the kids is exciting for me. I'm constantly praying and asking God to help me do and say the right things. I feel such a responsibility in helping raise and instill values into their lives. I want to make sure that I'm doing it in the right way.

Father, thank you for this opportunity, give me wisdom that comes from you. That way I'll know how to handle certain situations and questions that occur.

I will try and do better at posting more of my stories with Morgan and Andrew. I have so many tucked away in my memory already.

But for now, I must sleep. Day #2 at camp tomorrow!

Life

When life decides to take a turn, it usually takes a few more then that. I must say it's been very testing lately. I have so many emotions and thoughts wrapped up inside that I've had a hard time expressing. I tend to think that when they come out they have to be in a nice, neat manner, but I know they don't. The Lord hears the cries of my heart regardless of how they look or seem. I've received quite a few emails about how to weather the storm, what to do during trials, how to remain positive, etc... and what's been the most interesting is who they have come from. It's neat how the Lord works.



Yes. It's neat how He works in some cases. In others you wonder what's going on? Why is this happening? We all know the questions. And we all know the responses from people, "in time" or "there's a reason" but really? I know I've said those before but once things get really it's hard for me to believe it. Stronger Faith, I know. At times I say, "whatever, just let me be" let me question and wonder about the mysteries of life.



Everytime I find myself wanting to write and just be somewhat brutally honest about my thoughts, my positivity kicks in... I just want to say, "it's not ok" but I constantly find myself saying, "it's ok, things are ok" blah blah, christina, really?



When I first took the Strengths Finder test, I didn't really understand some of them and how they relate to me. Some of them I knew full and well it was me.

My strengths Developer and Empathy have really started taking a toll on me. Is this possible? It is when you don't know how to deal with the emotions that come along side them. Frustration. Dissapointment. I have such a desire to see people succeed and want to help them. I don't like to see people hurting. I relate to them. I hurt with them. It's so hard to describe the way I feel inside when the people I love around me are hurting so badly. My heart aches. My soul yearns for things to be okay. There's that word again. The feelings I feel when I know the path people have been on and what they're now facing are insurmountable. It's like the feeling of being claustrophobic. A fear of restriction. I understand that this is where the Lord has to come in. I don't know if it's just that I have so much empathy or what in the world it is, but it really starts taking it's toll. It really starts weighing me down. I think I try to take the burdens on myself because I don't like to see pain and suffering. But what does that do in the end? It leaves me with a lot of pain and suffering myself. Sob story, I know. But it's not that, it's that I'd rather hurt for someone than to see them hurting.

Sometimes I think there must be something I'm just not understanding about life. Or maybe I missed out on a chance to understand. Lately I've felt like I was just going to church, hearing a message, and leaving. I think my mind is so clouded right now that nothing is getting through. Or maybe I just don't want to hear a lot of what is said. I know I need to sit and talk with someone. If it wasn't for my job, I think I would stay in bed and not want to do much of anything some days. So I thank the Lord for my job. Such a blessing.
I went home last weekend for the 4th of July and it was a much needed getaway. Family always recharges my spirits. Thank you, Jesus.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but this is my head and heart vomiting words and trying to arrange them into sentences.

I'll end with an email I received today:

A Prayer When Life’s Hard

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, what joy and peace it brings to my heart to call you the “God of all grace.” Father, you are the source and supply of all grace. Lord Jesus, you are the basis upon which I receive all grace. Holy Spirit, you are the one who applies all grace to my heart. Be praised, glorious and grace-full Triune God!

Father, knowing you’ve called me to eternal glory in Christ makes these sufferings and hardships way more bearable. Indeed, a Day is coming with all suffering, both all sources of suffering and all expressions of suffering, will be over. Until that Day, Jesus, help me when “a little while” of suffering feels like an indefinite appointment to suffering. Give me grace to accept life in a broken world, among broken people, as a broken me, with faith, hope and love.

Help me steward my suffering so that I will become a better friend, not a bitter person. Bring enough restoration to my heart that I might live as a means of your restoration for others; enough strength that I will not grow weary and give up; enough firmness and steadfastness, that I will stay present in whatever story you are writing. Oh God of all grace, be the Lord of all power in my life and through my life, all for your glory… in Jesus’ name.

Amen.

He is Faithful

I sit here in amazement at my God.
Just when I think He is nowhere to be found, He always pulls through for me.

Faithful is my God.

This week has been a rollercoaster and I didn't know how to get off.

I kept thinking,

I didn't ask for this ride, I want off. Let me go!

Thursday night I was questioning God....

Where are you? What are you doing? What is going on? What are you trying to prove?

The Lord is certainly testing me. Constantly. And I always seem to fail these tests. Why can't this be something I can study for? I'm much better at those, God. But then I realize, He doesn't want me to be comfortable, He wants me to constantly be trusting Him at all times. Not just when I want to.

Why is that so hard sometimes?

Jesus, help me rely on you and not my own thinking. Be my voice.

Probably because I feel like things would be better if I was in control. Big negative. But that's how I think sometimes. I'm pretty sure we've all thought that way. Then I also realize, things are not all about me. He has a reason for all He does. That's easy to say, and easy to seem like we understand. I still don't fully get it. And I think I like that, because it keeps me in check. It makes me search for answers. Even when I want to give up, in the back of my mind I know I can't. But even if I do, He's going to pull through and turn my eyes back to Him.

Father, thank you for being in control of my life. Please don't let me think my way is better than yours.

Tonight I was at the mall, doing some looking and buying some new car air freshners. Satisfied with my purchase, I decided to make my way to the car. As I approached the doors, a lady walked in with a questioning look on her face. She kindly stopped me, and began to ask me the question that was burning in her mind. She went on to talk to me about a girl at her and her husbands apartment complex who was giving her trouble tonight, and ended up using some choice words with her. The woman was asking me if she was in the wrong with how she reacted to this girl. I began to encourage her and she continued to talk to me about life, and her new knitting club and how she knows she's there to be an example to the women. She went on to talk about church and how people have been discouraging her with different situations.
Then, she started talking about how great our God is, how He is on our side, how He is with us even when life seems too turbulent!

This woman and I talked for 30 minutes, encouraging one another to stand strong. At the end, I introduced myself, thanked her for stopping me, and told her what a blessing she had been to me. As I walked to my car, I couldn't help but laugh at the Lord and how He is using people all around us.

The Lord brought last night to my mind and reminded me,

Christina, do you remember asking me "Where are you, God?"

I stopped in my tracks and replied,

Yes

He went on to say,

I am here, I am everywhere, I am with you, my daughter. I sent that woman to show you that I will use your surroundings. Just look. Be aware. Observe, my child. All you have to do is search and you will find.

Oh, Jesus, how can I doubt you? I am so sorry. Father, I know you're here. Thank you for reminding me. Thank you for showing me you are in control. Please guide me. Please help me to stay strong in the weak times.

You are my Rock and my Refuge.

I will keep my eyes fixed on you.

Thank you for being Faithful.