Believe

Morgan: I can't do this!

Christina: Don't say you can't, you can, don't give up.

Morgan: But it's too hard.

Christina: Keep trying, you will be proud of yourself once you complete it.

Morgan: I guess.

Andrew: Believe that you can and you will do it, Morgan. You have to believe.

I think we all know where I'm going and could go with this blog. Really, I could just leave it as it is and not write anything else. But what fun would that be? Let me elaborate a little on this subject before I have to go and interrupt a disagreement or console a crying child.

Perseverance. Endurance. Pushing through the hard stuff.

Humility. Laying it all down and saying, "I can't do this without you, Lord."

Hearing Andrew tell his big sister you have to believe, Morgan, was so great to hear. I always tell them don't give up. Believe that you can do it. I envisioned Andrew meaning, believe that the Lord will help you. You can't give up when things get hard. That's the test. I had the privillege of being at an amazing conference last Saturday and the last speaker said,

"If you give up when things get hard, you're just going to have to start from the beginning again."

Sooo true.

If I had let Morgan give up what she was doing today and not strive to succeed she would've probably gone on to believe that giving up is okay. So, I told her I would help her, but I wanted her to do most of it. We worked together and all we had to do was tweak one or two things.

That's what usually happens and it's good to have people in our lives who help stand beside us and believe with us.

The speaker at the conference gave us a great example of this. He used the illustration of learning to swim in the deep end when he was younger. He had to show the lifeguard that he was ready. He started swimming and his friend was right beside him.

He got halfway and started thinking,

"I don't think I can do this, I'm getting tired".

He started to slow down.

His friend started cheering for him saying,

"You can do it! I know you can! Don't get up, you're almost there!"

I know I need this in life. I need people to tell me to keep pushing on, to lay it all down before the Lord and know that I can't do it all by myself. I was re-reading my last blog and I was started lecturing myself cause, like a friend said, I'm not a super hero, so I should stop trying to be. I can't fix peoples problems and situations as much as I would like to.

But I can be a friend and someone who is by their side cheering them through the ups and downs.

Thank you, Jesus.

How Big is God?

I just want to say that I love my job. I find it one of the most rewarding things I have done in awhile. I have never had a job where I couldn't wait to get there in the morning and I missed while I was gone over the weekend, until now. I have been blessed with a great family and 2 kids who I just love... I keep thinking, Lord, why am I learning all of this right now? I have learned so much through the kids, Morgan and Andrew. They teach me just as much as I am teaching them.

Today was the start of a new week and a new summer day camp. This certain camp has been the most looked forward to of all the camps they have done, and let me tell you, they have done a LOT. This camp is a 45 minute drive for us so we have time in the car to talk, think, and laugh together. And add a few, "Please don't hit your sister" ... or "Please leave him alone" ... but it all works out in the end.

This morning we were driving along listening to praise and worship music and Andrew, who is 7, said,

"Christina, I can't wait to get to Heaven, can you?"

I responded,

"It's definitely something I look forward to, Andrew. Why can't you wait?"

He began,

"Cause we'll get to see what Jesus looks like and I just can't wait!"

So I asked,

"What do you guys think Jesus looks like?"

They responded quickly,

"He's tall, strong, brown hair, and a beard."

Just as I always imagined Him at that age (7 and 10). I still wonder and change my opinion from time to time. I'm just thankful He will never change as much as we may change our opinions of Him. He stays the same.

As I was paying attention to driving and trying not to get lost in the country, trying to find this beloved camp, I listened to Morgan and Andrew talk about how big God is. My ears perked up.

"Morgan, God is bigger then we are."

"Really, Andrew, God is so much bigger than that."

"I know, Morgan, He's bigger than how far China is to Australia."

A smile crept across my face as I listened even closer...

"Andrew, God is much bigger, He is bigger than the world. He is bigger than the whole universe."

Silence.

They quickly changed the subject to finding camp.
"Are we there yet??" "Are we lost?" "Do you know where we are going?"

I was still lost in the previous conversation. I found myself talking to the Lord and asking for forgiveness. I forget how big He is. How powerful He is. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. But sometimes I think that my way is always better, but when I stop and think about it, God is so much bigger than our problems. He has more power then we could ever imagine. I used to sit and think about Heaven and spending eternity with the Lord. I used to get mad cause my mind would keep going and going, and I couldn't find an end to it. I always thought, it has to end at some point. But it doesn't and neither does His love, His forgiveness, or His power, mercy or grace. These aren't the only things He is capable of, but to me... well...

He is more than words.


We finally arrived at camp. After having to turn around because we missed the hidden sign. Which was behind a bush!

I signed them into camp and found their counselors. I bent down, gave them each a hug.

"I hope you guys have so much fun today! I want to hear all about it, K?"

"We will! OK! See you later, Christina!" Morgan said.

"Okay, I'll have fun, Christina, but I'll miss you" said Andrew.

"I'll miss you too, Buddy!" I replied, as I turned and started walking towards the car.

"No, I'll miss you more" Andrew insisted.

I turned around and smiled at him and waved "bye".


I always find God in those sweet, small moments with the kids. And I thank God for that. I know that it's Him instilling strength, widsom, and confidence in who I know my God to be. Being able to share that with the kids is exciting for me. I'm constantly praying and asking God to help me do and say the right things. I feel such a responsibility in helping raise and instill values into their lives. I want to make sure that I'm doing it in the right way.

Father, thank you for this opportunity, give me wisdom that comes from you. That way I'll know how to handle certain situations and questions that occur.

I will try and do better at posting more of my stories with Morgan and Andrew. I have so many tucked away in my memory already.

But for now, I must sleep. Day #2 at camp tomorrow!

Life

When life decides to take a turn, it usually takes a few more then that. I must say it's been very testing lately. I have so many emotions and thoughts wrapped up inside that I've had a hard time expressing. I tend to think that when they come out they have to be in a nice, neat manner, but I know they don't. The Lord hears the cries of my heart regardless of how they look or seem. I've received quite a few emails about how to weather the storm, what to do during trials, how to remain positive, etc... and what's been the most interesting is who they have come from. It's neat how the Lord works.



Yes. It's neat how He works in some cases. In others you wonder what's going on? Why is this happening? We all know the questions. And we all know the responses from people, "in time" or "there's a reason" but really? I know I've said those before but once things get really it's hard for me to believe it. Stronger Faith, I know. At times I say, "whatever, just let me be" let me question and wonder about the mysteries of life.



Everytime I find myself wanting to write and just be somewhat brutally honest about my thoughts, my positivity kicks in... I just want to say, "it's not ok" but I constantly find myself saying, "it's ok, things are ok" blah blah, christina, really?



When I first took the Strengths Finder test, I didn't really understand some of them and how they relate to me. Some of them I knew full and well it was me.

My strengths Developer and Empathy have really started taking a toll on me. Is this possible? It is when you don't know how to deal with the emotions that come along side them. Frustration. Dissapointment. I have such a desire to see people succeed and want to help them. I don't like to see people hurting. I relate to them. I hurt with them. It's so hard to describe the way I feel inside when the people I love around me are hurting so badly. My heart aches. My soul yearns for things to be okay. There's that word again. The feelings I feel when I know the path people have been on and what they're now facing are insurmountable. It's like the feeling of being claustrophobic. A fear of restriction. I understand that this is where the Lord has to come in. I don't know if it's just that I have so much empathy or what in the world it is, but it really starts taking it's toll. It really starts weighing me down. I think I try to take the burdens on myself because I don't like to see pain and suffering. But what does that do in the end? It leaves me with a lot of pain and suffering myself. Sob story, I know. But it's not that, it's that I'd rather hurt for someone than to see them hurting.

Sometimes I think there must be something I'm just not understanding about life. Or maybe I missed out on a chance to understand. Lately I've felt like I was just going to church, hearing a message, and leaving. I think my mind is so clouded right now that nothing is getting through. Or maybe I just don't want to hear a lot of what is said. I know I need to sit and talk with someone. If it wasn't for my job, I think I would stay in bed and not want to do much of anything some days. So I thank the Lord for my job. Such a blessing.
I went home last weekend for the 4th of July and it was a much needed getaway. Family always recharges my spirits. Thank you, Jesus.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but this is my head and heart vomiting words and trying to arrange them into sentences.

I'll end with an email I received today:

A Prayer When Life’s Hard

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, what joy and peace it brings to my heart to call you the “God of all grace.” Father, you are the source and supply of all grace. Lord Jesus, you are the basis upon which I receive all grace. Holy Spirit, you are the one who applies all grace to my heart. Be praised, glorious and grace-full Triune God!

Father, knowing you’ve called me to eternal glory in Christ makes these sufferings and hardships way more bearable. Indeed, a Day is coming with all suffering, both all sources of suffering and all expressions of suffering, will be over. Until that Day, Jesus, help me when “a little while” of suffering feels like an indefinite appointment to suffering. Give me grace to accept life in a broken world, among broken people, as a broken me, with faith, hope and love.

Help me steward my suffering so that I will become a better friend, not a bitter person. Bring enough restoration to my heart that I might live as a means of your restoration for others; enough strength that I will not grow weary and give up; enough firmness and steadfastness, that I will stay present in whatever story you are writing. Oh God of all grace, be the Lord of all power in my life and through my life, all for your glory… in Jesus’ name.

Amen.